:: from here on out ::
3:46 AM
Officially put one large chapter of my life behind me, although it unfortunately didn't end as I had hoped for it to. I'm honestly feeling a bit hazy right now. Saying that I'm disappointed is definitely an understatement, and I'm not quite sure how to move on from this feeling okay about it in any way.
The thing about me is, I'm terribly hard on myself. I never fail to pressure myself into being the best out there, which is obviously impossible to do because I naturally don't have the full capability to unless I work extra hard. I still try. I try and I try and I try, and I knock myself down to the ground when I don't get what I want. I believe in high expectations, I set high expectations for myself, and Lord I don't back down from them. That's the problem I have, I'm never satisfied. I raise the bar, fail to reach it, and then identify myself by the bars I fail to reach and not the ones that I've climbed over.
I'm my own bomb, aren't I? Fuck.
It kills me and it drains me, but that's what keeps me going. That's how I achieve what I achieve, that's how I am who I am, that's pretty much what I stand for.
I have a lot to get ready for, not just me, but for all us SPM leavers. "Life begins now." "Results are done, now's your time to step into the real world."
It really is time.
We're at an age where a dream today may not be a dream tomorrow. The future that we paint in our heads have a higher possibility of being a complete 360 degree turn from our actual lives 10 years down the road. The air we breathe every single second of each day dipped in uncertainty because nothing ever sticks nowadays. More so when it comes to us.
I strongly believe in keeping an open mind at all times. A passion sets the base for the course we choose in college, but passion alone doesn't drive one through a lifetime career, I'm sure we're all aware of that but it's important to be reminded of it. Explore different opportunities, explore your strongest points, explore your likes and your dislikes. Look beyond the conventional occupations that you're accustomed to just for the heck of it. What's the harm knowing more? High school was all bout doing what was set out in front of us. We had no say, no choices to ponder on other than choosing streams. Why not maximise the freedom of choice we have now? We need to stop viewing a blank canvas as a gridded page.
The probability of a childhood dream becoming the job you spend doing the rest of your life may not be all too encouraging, but its something worth going all out for if you believe in it. I've been set on my dream of becoming a journalist since I was 9 years old. I'm doing mass communication in college now to get into a journalism school when I get to university. I chose my course solely because of that, because I wanted to be a journalist. I'm fully aware though that the passion might burn out one day. It's scary but it's something all of us must be fully in control of.
I've thought to myself, "Even if broadcast journalism doesn't work out because my drive to know about current events or investigative prospects of politics and mainstream news worthy stories dies out, maybe I could become a travel journalist and visit rural locations to write about? Maybe I could be an editor for a magazine? Maybe I could be a copy writer or work in creative advertising?"
I played around with my love for writing and documenting details and view points and did my research. I found a whole list of things I could possibly do. We're living in a world where we shape our jobs. We can make our own jobs if we have the right drive, responsibility and qualifications to do so. There is no limit anymore. We're stepping into a zone without boundaries after years in a boundary.
Let's make the best of it.
To all my school mates and friends fresh in this new block of our lives, all the very best. I'm glad I have social media to know what most of you guys are doing.
SNEAKY.
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