Everything about the 12th of March 2016 was too emotional for me to not write about.
Before the long wall of text, here is an 18 minute compilation of unpublished snaps and a couple of ok-quality videos :-) CAUTION: I AM SCREAMING VERY LOUDLY.
The countdown went by too fast. I remember it being a '53 days to go', and now its a '2 days ago'. The post concert depression is hitting me much harder than I could have imagined, another relapse of feelings like what I felt after Super Show 3 back in 2011. I did not prepare myself for that.
So here I am writing this, with a bad case of conjunctivitis that I got the day after the concert
I guess I'm emotional about this thinking about how it all started. I got into fandoms back in 2009, and at that time Super Junior was 4 years into their career. I was becoming a fan at their peak, I already knew how established they were in the industry, they had already matured over the years and had become seniors that younger groups looked up to. But I guess I still wanted to have a chance to say "Hey, I've been with this group since day 1." I wanted to be with a group from the very first music video all the way up to their peak.
And then 2011 came about. I remember everything. I remember the first article that came out saying that SM Entertainment was going to introduce a new group the following year. I remember going through threads of tweets as fans analysed each SM music video to look for potential trainees. I remember the first fancam released of a group of unknown boys leaving the company building.
I remember watching the first teaser the very hour it came out, when the views were stuck at 301+. I remember screaming at my screen over how cute this boy named Kai was. The first of twenty teasers, the last one introducing a boy named Chanyeol, who I recognized as the one in SNSD's Genie music video back in 2010. I remember streaming their debut showcase live, watching their totally out of synch bow and hearing their voices for the first time as they introduced themselves one by one.
And then here I am at their first solo concert in Malaysia, the last stop of their second tour before heading back for their encore concerts in Seoul.
I had all that playing in my head as I walked into Stadium Merdeka. It was an ocean of silver light sticks, the venue was filled, 'EXO'LUXION' lighting up the big screen. I thought about how much things have changed over the past couple years, not being sure whether to feel lucky that I managed to briefly see them as 12 back during World Stage, or to just forget about it completely and start fresh with a memory of EXO being these 9 amazing boys.
I'm pretty sure I forgot to breathe when they appeared on stage. The lights were going crazy and their golden suits were blinding me even though I was all the way back in CAT 1. Jesus Christ, how do they even look at each other with those things? Everything was starting to sink in as the song went on, and honestly everything was just a blur. I don't remember what was happening which really frustrates me, but I suppose its a sign that thats how much I was enjoying the moment. I remember not being able to produce any sound for a bit after Chanyeol sang his part though.
I can officially say that there are not many feelings that feel as great as seeing people you love in the flesh after years of seeing them on screen. And I suppose this is the part where I give a shout out to Lili for insisting to sit in CAT 1 (X) even though she did it for purely selfish reasons.
I'm going to zoom past the rest of the concert and go to the end because that's the most important part. It was the last few songs of the night, during Sing For You when we heard an extra amount of screaming from the front of our zone. People were ignoring the guards completely and running up to the divider in front of the stage because a member was walking in our direction. It was Baekhyun. We made a bolt for it before more people looked out to notice the commotion and we got close enough, closer than we imagined ourselves to ever be. Byun Baekhyun was standing right by the edge of the stage, and he was looking at us with the most earnest smile on his face as we sang along to the lyrics. This part really got me. I was looking up at this beautiful, beautiful person. No picture or video could ever capture the glow that he has. I was seeing fancams come to life but in a resolution that was blowing my brains out. It was the look on his face, that look of gratitude that would get me crying as I watch him on my laptop screen in my room. It was Baekhyun's usual puppy self, grinning and sticking his tongue out at us.
At this point, whatever the guards were doing were irrelevant to me. It took me a while to snap out of it and realize that I'm the closest that my ticket could possibly allow me to be and I'm fucking yolo-ing right now so I should be looking for my goddamn Park Chanyeol.
Why did I have to choose such a hyperactive idiot to be my bias?
When I looked up at the stage, I could see Chanyeol's giraffe legs skipping to the opposite side of the stage, to CAT 1 (E). I think I did a MSSM level sprint to the other zone. And there he was, at the edge of the stage with an Iron Man mask because it's not Chanyeol if he's standing there without doing something somewhat dumb. He was grinning and laughing and all that was in my head was just "Holy fuck I am going to cry". I was stunned I couldn't move, he's a legit giant with a face that is nothing short of perfect when it's not doing anything and nothing more than the cutest 5 year old child when it's cracked out into a smile. I understood why every concert would end with a "Chanyeol is really something else", because he really is something else (not like I had any doubts about it). But before I could admire him he starts skipping away after 5 seconds to the other side of
the stage BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM. I RAN SO FAST MY CALVES WERE TREMBLING AND I ALMOST FELL ON WIRES. I made it though, he was twirling around and teasing someone in the crowd pretending to give the Iron Man mask to her before shaking his head and laughing.
With Chanyeol, everythings different. I wasn't expecting emotional looks or quiet moments because I knew how he tried to avoid all those by being this person that never looks unhappy. I was always somewhat bothered by that. I knew that he of all members would be the first to go through his social media and read comments, from the things that he's mentioned in the past I know he's aware of all the unnecessary talk that goes on about him. But he's always so adamant in being this character that never stops smiling and joking around. I used to think that it was somewhat like a mask but really time (and the concert) has only proven that this boy just knows how to keep himself going. He was so interactive, he was always talking and messing around. And his stage presence was amazing. He knew how to work up a crowd and he looked like he had the world in his hands when he rapped or closed his eyes to hear the screaming.
Our crowd made me so proud. We sang along to everything and like the boys said "You're so passionate its hotter than the weather" lolz boyz why yallz like this. I think we blew their expectations. And more importantly, I think we made Yixing feel nothing short of appreciated which was the real highlight for me.
It's not just a concert or a show I guess, when you're a fan that's been supporting them for so long like how I have, its more sentimental than that. You can scoff or call it being extra or whatever but I've been in K-pop too long to even bother explaining myself to those who choose not to understand. I would like to thank EXO, I would like to thank Kim Minseok, Kim Junmyeon, Zhang Yixing, Kim Jongdae, Byun Baekhyun, Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun. Like what you guys said yourselves, hardships came much earlier than expected. Thank you for sticking it out, we fans know how hard it must have been. Thank you for putting everything aside and going forward to giving us your all during Exo'luxion for the past 1 year. Thank you for all the hard work, for being so willing to do all these crazy sacrifices, all the things that you boys were forced to give up. Thank you for caring so much for us and more importantly for each other. And thank you for being such amazing artists and such wonderful people.
I hope you boys heard us all screaming out "We Are One" from backstage, and I hope that comes to your mind when you think of Malaysia.
See you boys during the third world tour!
