:: 3rd of march 2015 ::

1:00 AM


It's the 3rd of March 2015.

 SPM result's day.

 It scares me how fast time just whizzed by. I still can't seem to digest the fact that I'm done with high school, or I most probably just don't want to. Rather than feeling the jitters right now at 12.36 a.m. on the day itself, I felt much worse last night. I'm happy I can sort of kick back and relax right now, the anxiety hasn't creeped in yet after all the hyperventilating I did last night fretting over it.

 I really miss school. Call me crazy, but I miss everything about it. Despite the many times I've flipped tables over the system and called it stupid & just plain..stupid, I miss it so much.

 I miss the familiarity of knowing how to get away with doing something wrong, how to sweet talk teachers into letting me off the hook for forgotten books and incomplete homework, loud laughter regardless of who was in class (not forgetting the lecture we would get afterwards that only etch a minor bit of guilt for a good few minutes before we're back at it again. I don't miss that, I'm not stupid.) I miss the casual conversations with my classmates that I've come to know so well, habits, attitude and all. I miss where I used to sit, I SAT UNDER THE FAN!! and next to my boyfriend how clingy I think I miss that too.

 Not having my best friends an arm's length or a recess away is still something I can't get used to, that being the most important part of high school that I can't get back. I miss long corridors and the noise that rang through it by us getting out of our classes to talk to friends from other classes.

 It's 12.53 now and as you can probably tell I'm probably just writing all of this to get rid of my hidden nervousness. The thought of going back to school is weird. It's going to be a mix of nostalgia, excitement and fear. I'm not looking forward to the wait as they announce the names of the straight A students. I feel the burn in the pit of my stomach right now just thinking about it.

 I'm trying to tell myself right now to accept whatever it is that I get, knowing me, that's probably something close to impossible to do. I'm still going to try. I've put my 200% into this, into scoring in a stream revolving around subjects that I cannot come to like, I would like think that I have no regrets. Winona, hope for the best and take what you get.

 LJAHDKJFLHAJKHFJKHDSAJKDHJAKSHDJHDJKALHSDJKHDKLHSDLKAHSJK

 I'm feeling it kick in.

 All the best everyone!


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Winona

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