:: balance ::
12:35 AM
Seventeen days into the eighth month of the year and I already feel like this year has given me so much. It's given me new experiences, new opportunities and new responsibilities. It's given me the chance to venture a step closer to what I love to do. And most importantly, it's given me the best of both worlds, serving up both hard-earned achievements and terrible disappointments.
As a person, I would say that I'm pretty much driven by results. Of course, this personality trait comes with lots of pros and cons that in my opinion are pretty equal in terms of how hard it affects you mentally and emotionally.
In my eyes, the brighter side of it is that you're constantly working to raise the bar. A sense of achievement is without a doubt one of my favourite feelings in the world. It's knowing that you can accomplish something that sets you apart from the rest, it's the satisfaction of cancelling something off your list of things to worry about. The feeling of a burden being lifted off your shoulders has a beauty that can't really be put into words, but I guess I would phrase it as feeling cold air brushing against your face as you fall back onto a pile of soft blankets in your pyjamas.
The ugly side? We don't live in a fairytale. The results you want, your expectations, they can't always be met; no matter how much of yourself you pour into your efforts or how often you close your eyes to pray. To put it bluntly, perfection barely exists even in my imagination, I just merely classify it something that isn't real. A myth. Sucks, doesn't it? When I don't get those outcomes that I work so hard for, its hard to not let the demotivation seep in. It's hard to not go from feeling solidly anchored to the ground, to feeling like I'm free falling without a direction.
This year has helped me mature in many ways. It's helped me learn how to take rejection and how to handle shortcomings. I'm happy to say that I'm getting better. I don't deny myself the right to feel self-worth anymore. I've learnt how to pay attention to my successes just as much as I do to my failures. I've learnt how to look at the bigger picture, to look at the process, the journey and the experience. Experience is the best trophy, am I right? And I've learnt to understand that I haven't even stepped into the real world yet, if I let myself feel defeated now, wouldn't that make me weak in the future?
I'm not weak. I'm far from that. I have a strong mind and a strong heart. And I'm blessed that I dare to acknowledge myself as that type of person. And if you're reading this, and you feel like you let yourself get eaten up way too much by the idea of a perfection that you're struggling to reach, say it to yourself out loud. I'm not weak! Write it down. It helps.
I'm supposed to build myself up. I'm supposed to push myself to be different from the people around me. I'm supposed to try. So what if I fall? I'm 18 years old, I'm supposed to have a balance of winning and losing anyway.
I have my whole life ahead of me.
This year has helped me mature in many ways. It's helped me learn how to take rejection and how to handle shortcomings. I'm happy to say that I'm getting better. I don't deny myself the right to feel self-worth anymore. I've learnt how to pay attention to my successes just as much as I do to my failures. I've learnt how to look at the bigger picture, to look at the process, the journey and the experience. Experience is the best trophy, am I right? And I've learnt to understand that I haven't even stepped into the real world yet, if I let myself feel defeated now, wouldn't that make me weak in the future?
I'm not weak. I'm far from that. I have a strong mind and a strong heart. And I'm blessed that I dare to acknowledge myself as that type of person. And if you're reading this, and you feel like you let yourself get eaten up way too much by the idea of a perfection that you're struggling to reach, say it to yourself out loud. I'm not weak! Write it down. It helps.
I'm supposed to build myself up. I'm supposed to push myself to be different from the people around me. I'm supposed to try. So what if I fall? I'm 18 years old, I'm supposed to have a balance of winning and losing anyway.
I have my whole life ahead of me.
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